Distractions

I haven't written for a while. I've been avoiding it.

All this pouring of emotions. I start to feel like it's too much. I'm too much.

I'm back in my parents house. I'm still adjusting. I can't really believe I'm back here again. I've been avoiding unpacking, because it just makes it real. This completele breakdown of my life.

A lot has happened with The DJ. Twice he has freaked out on me. I never imagined he would talk to me or treat me the way he has. But I know why he did. The first time was because I told him to leave me alone. And he flipped. He doesn't like it when the situation is out of his control. And he doesn't like to feel abandoned. But, like always, I apologized.

The second time was some Facebook bullshit, drama. And I honestly think that he was trying to justify in his mind why he broke up with me. He called me sneaky, and canniving. He was trying to turn me into the crazy ex-girlfriend. It hurt me so bad. It still hurts. I told him I would leave him alone, which he said I didn't have to do. But I have. I saw him once at my roomies place, and I pretty much gave him the cold shoulder.

He once told me that he wouldn't leave me alone. He would continue to contact me, and bother me when he was lonely. He might beg me to get back together with him. Until I lose it, and tell him to back off. But, he has left me alone. And I know him well enough, he found a distraction. A female distraction.

That's what I was when he first started dating me. A distraction from his last relationship. He doesn't know that I know this. And so, since I haven't heard from him late at night, I assume he is distracting himself with someone else.

It kills me.

I just wonder if he even cared about me. I know he never cared for me as much as I cared for him. It would hurt him more than this.