More Adventurous?

I read with every broken heart
we should become more adventurous.

I've tried very hard most of my dating life to not be judgemental of people's situations. I never cared about how financially well off people were, or how responsible they were. I have never been an incredibly responsible person, and I've always struggled with keeping things together with jobs and bills. Who was I to look down on other people for what they struggle with?

This time around, my wants in life have changed. About a year ago, that little biological clock snuck up on me, and punched me right in the baby maker. I have started to come around to the idea of wanting a family. I'm scared to death about it still, but I feel like I'm comfortable enough with myself to feel somewhat okay about raising a little life. It took a long time to feel okay with the idea of raising a child being an atheist, especially in Utah. I mean, I wouldn't raise them atheist. I would definitely allow my child to choose whatever they wanted, as long as they were old enough to understand what they wanted. I mean, that I feel more comfortable in my own beliefs to be informative. Anyway, as I have come around to the idea of having a family, my needs in a partner have changed.

So I have been out with The DJ twice, and I know he really likes me. We have an incredible amount in common. He happens to be atheist also, which is awesome. He is cute, and sweet, and just a cool person. And I know I should like him, and things should go well. But...

He spends all day drinking and drinking. And he works occasionally DJing, and he has no car. We haven't been out on actual dates. I go to his house and drink with his friends, then we go to a bar and drink more. Don't get me wrong, I don't think any of this is bad. I was doing the exact same thing 6 years ago, I'm in no postion to judge anyone. See, I even feel terrible writing about this. He's completely happy with his life and his situation. I feel awful for not allowing myself to get attached to him for these reasons. I'm already planning my speech to him, about how he can't give me what I want in my life right now. I know that he would be in no position anytime soon to help me raise a kid. Or take care of me in anyway. Not to mention I'm trying very hard to slow down my drinking before it becomes a problem. I feel shallow for thinking these things.

I told myself that I wouldn't allow myself to get caught up in a list of reasons to not date people based on my past dating experiences. But where do you find that balance? I told myself I wouldn't date anyone going through a divorce, or anyone with kids, and by any means I wouldn't ever date anyone religious. And then the last person I dated was all three things. And I adored him. But I have to allow myself to try to avoid the stresses of trying to convince someone who's completely happy in their life, to give it all up for my needs. You're only asking for resentment. I keep telling myself I'm doing him a favor. But, it sucks, cause I might actually like him a lot. I don't want to give that speech, but I have to.