Decompress

So...

I am in such a terrible mood.

I've been handling things pretty well considering. I guess that's maybe a sign that if I'm not completely devastated by the situation, then maybe my heart wasn't in it afterall. Or maybe I'm just starting to get used to it, maybe I'm becoming numb.

I cry a little every once and a while. But definitely not as much as I expected. I realize that if it didn't happen now, it would eventually.

I have already been on an actual date. A bicyclist whom I met...at a club. I know, I know. I don't know where the hell else to meet guys. Those are the only places I get approached. He seems nice enough though. He races bicycles, has a ton of tattoos (which I love), he does not drink, and he's a vegetarian. And he actually has a car. He asked me to go with some friends to dinner. We had Indian food, and it was an okay time. I didn't do a lot of talking. Apparently they all worked at this bicycle shop together, and The Cyclist and his buddy got laid off. So it was the main topic of conversation. He says he is not going to look for another job, and live off unemployment so he can train full time. I haven't decided if this is good or bad yet. The unfortunate side effect of going through this many relationships is I'm becoming pickier. And I hate that. He did pay for my dinner though.

After dinner, he drove me home, walked me to my door. And he said he has plans to do it again sometime. Just a hug (I didn't even kiss him, which is HUGE for me). I am definitely taking things nice and slow for a while. Let the actual dating process happen.

Tonight though. UGH! A few days ago I got in touch through facebook (where else?) with a guy I had been a few dates with a long time ago. He is extremely cute, and I was so excited to find him, and see that he was single. When I went out with him back then, I was going through a break-up, and I just couldn't focus my attention on anything else. I made the excuse that we had 'too much in common'. So lame.

We exchanged a few messages, and he told me about a decrompression party for Utah Burners. And I decided that I would go, and I would see him there. We talked a little bit. The usual conversation 'Where do you live? Where do you work?' blah blah blah. As we talk, he starts to tell me he is probably going to drop acid tonight. At first I thought he was joking, but he wasn't. And a few minutes later he sure enough drops acid. He tells me he loves to hallucinate.

DAMMIT!!

I absolutely do not date people who take drugs. I don't care if people do it, but it's just way too hard for me. I don't get drugs, I've never done them. I would have a really hard time being with anyone who is tripping constantly. So I guess that one is already out of the question. Too bad, he is really cute.

I'm just so annoyed right now.