The Game

As you get further into dating, you start to realize the games involved. I knew at first that women and men, no matter how old, play games with each other. Maybe not always intentionally. And I thought I was prepared for it.

I am not.

Being with people for long periods of time, gives you this false sense of knowing a lot about the opposite sex. When really, you only know a lot about that one particular person. So, when I started dating again, I honestly thought I had it figured out. I am constantly told by guys how much they hate playing games. And they want a woman to be honest about what they want, and be the aggressor for once. And I have never been afraid to tell guys I like them, or ask them out. In fact, I prefer it.

But after these experiences, I have realized...they don't mean it.

I think I am too available. I give away too much, too soon. Once I start dating someone, I am all about making them feel special. And doing anything I can do to show them how much they mean to me. I am starting to realize most guys want a challenge. They want the chase. I don't like to put generalities on a whole gender. But I think I need to.

After hanging with the DJ a bit, he has started to express that he is still in love with me. And possibly wants to date again. I truly believe that the only reason The DJ has taken any interest in me again is because I am not a sure thing anymore. And he knows it's a possibility that I could end up with someone else. And this is where it becomes a chase. I'm not doing any of this to try to get him back. Because I know in my heart he will probably never be the right person for me. But, I'm not 18 anymore. And I get so caught up in the idea of finding the right person, I forget that it doesn't mean I can't still involve myself with anyone I choose to. As long as I don't allow myself to get hurt, why the hell not. I'm an adult for christ sake. I need to stop trying so hard, and enjoy myself. Am I just trying to justify wanting to hang out with him? Maybe, probably. But I'm tired of trying to force myself to do things or not do things. It becomes extremely stressful.

I take on so many different philosophies, as to try to not let myself get hurt. But pain is all part of the process. And I can fight it and be miserable and anxious constantly. But I think maybe I'm going to try and just enjoy the ride.

So a small update. I wussed out with The Emo Boy. All because he wanted to hang at a bar with some friends. And I am still struggling with this whole hanging out, instead of actual dates. But I think I might just have to let that go. It seems to be the way dating goes these days. Or maybe it's just an age thing. I don't know. I apologized and asked if he would still want to hang sometime.

He said yes.