I ran home as fast as I could. I couldn't stop crying. How quickly someone doesn't need or want you around anymore. Maybe I"m still drunk. Drowning myself in alcohol, trying to pretend that I'm not hurt. It's 6:30 am, and I just can't stop crying, I can't. I try so hard to not be over emotional, so I drowned myself in alcohol, and acted as cool as I could. I know how guys are. The minute you become over-emotional, it becomes too real. Especially with the DJ. I'm so scared of freaking him out, and him leaving me again. So I woke still feeling resentment. And I left as quickly as I could.

I spend the entire winter trying to make sure that he was taken care of, that he had a ride to work. I don't have a ton of money, but I will go to the ends of earth so he is happy and comfortable. He knows that, everyone does. He is starting to make money at his new job. And I'm already starting to get a taste of what the summer will be like. He told me that he won't be around as much. But he reassured me that he will make sure to let me know what is going on. I'm so scared, that it's just going to be the same as when he first strayed. I am so secure in my being able to be the best girlfriend I can. But this happens every time. I make it too goddamn easy. I don't put up a fight, and 9 times out of 10, guys start to realize I won't make a stink. I just take it.

So he acted so excited that he had a Monday off. We were to go to the free movie, since we haven't been able to in ages. And I show up at his house to hang out with him and his friends. And he slaps my thigh saying how excited he is he has the following night out. That it's customer appreciation night at his new work. And I ask, well do you want me to come? And he says, no, I think it will be a boys night.

So not only in front of his friends does he make me look like an idiot, but he skips out on our plans together. He says he will make it up to me by taking me out to a movie earlier that day. But I feel awful. I just feel awful.

It's the same shit over and over again. And I try so hard not to show that it affects me. I want so much to not be typical. But I'm so scared. I'm so fucking scared. I don't want to be taken advantage of anymore. I just can't. I don't get how he has these friends that will take advantage of anyone, on a regular basis. And the one person that truly cares about him, he can so easily hurt. He knows it, he sees it. And he doesn't care.