So at this point, things aren't terrible, but they aren't getting better. I confronted him on the whole going out with his friends all the time. And he tells me he thinks he's being conservative. That he thinks going out with them more shouldn't be a problem. Of course, I just swallow it down. There really is no telling him he's wrong, or that it hurts me. He will say and do what he wants, and I either put up with it, or leave. But that just doesn't seem very healthy. I feel like I'm preparing myself for the end.

I wrote this note to myself the other night while drunk. So I could remember that moment.

'April 28 3:54 am - The minute I completely realized that my boyfriend didn't care about impressing me, or making me happy anymore. The sweets things he said, the affection, the attraction...gone. I might as well be one of his friends.'

It really is true. He doesn't pretend to be interested in anything I have to say. He doesn't think I'm funny, he doesn't tell me how cute I look. Affection is completely gone, never any kisses. And definitely no sex. I have absolutely no control over what I want in this relationship. If I bring it up at all, he just brushes it off. Tells me he doesn't want to talk about it. I just have never been good with confrontation. I would rather keep it locked away, until 6 years later I realize that I've been wasting my years on someone who couldn't care less.

I think once I find a job, and hopefully two jobs. Maybe he won't take me for granted. Maybe he will miss me. I hope so.