I spent the night tonight listening to my boyfriend talk about me to to his friend. How I'm unmotivated, how I'm pessimistic. It's one of the most painful things to sit through. I try so hard to be a good person, a caring person. I'm not perfect, I have a ton of flaws. My procrastination is a huge one.

But I didn't know that he felt that strongly about it. It doesn't matter how perfect of a girlfriend I am. The flaws will always be the main focus. Always.

He has flaws, but I focus on the positives. As much as I am a pessimist, I absolutely adore him for all the good things about him. I just get this general feeling that guys try to find reasons to not be happy with me.

That's another thing. Apparently I'm a martyr. I play the victim. Which is possible. But if someone tells me honestly that I'm acting a certain way, I try to make it better. But it seems like it's stretching to pick this one thing about me, and use it like I'm terrible.

I can't even express how awful I feel right now. I can't stop crying. I just want someone to love me in spite of my flaws and weaknesses. I want him to see that I love him more than anything, and that I am trying to show him that.

I guess it's a bad thing to try to show him that he's the center of my world, my happiness. I don't understand how that's a bad thing.