Another boys night. Dammit, why do I only feel like writing when I feel awful? Maybe because I always feel better when I'm with him. And I can't really write things in front of him.

Things have been wonderful. Obviously the sweet text messages went away. Which I think is what is upsetting me right now. Usually if he goes out without me, I will get a text message saying that he missed me, and he would love to see me. It's 4 am, and nothing. I don't know if he's home. He could possibly still be out, maybe at a party. Or maybe everyone is partying at his house. At this point, my thoughts are swirling. I was okay earlier, but the later it gets, the worse I feel.

He keeps saying how he hasn't been out in a week, and how excited he is to go out. But we went out on Tuesday, and it was so much fun. Dinner at Legends, frozen yogurt and we saw How to Train Your Dragon. Wednesday we went to the free movie at Brewvies, American Psycho. But when he says he hasn't been out all week, it makes me feel like my nights with him don't count. I know that's super girlie and irrational. But I just can't help it. And then he plans this epic night, and of course I'm not included. I'm okay with boys night, he's done it at least once a week. But for some reason I feel like tonight wasn't boys night, it was 'No Me Night.' I just wish that I wasn't to that point again. Where he is excited to be able to go out without me.

I wish sometimes he would miss me, he would worry about me. Show some sign of emotion. He used to tell me everything he felt, at least when he was drunk. And occasionally he will say something beautiful. But I always wonder if ever feels this anxiety when he's without me. I just don't think he does.