Very strange dreams last night. I didn't really think they were significant, but as I'm thinking about them more, they make perfect sense. I had a dream that The DJ and I went to my parents house. Somehow it ends up that Th Ex is there, and he is the next door neighbor. So I see that his place is still in shambles, just how I left it. I guess he is going on a vacation with my parents, and his kids are there. I'm trying to hide from him, but he sees us. He walks up to me and says that he wants me to leave. That he doesn't get to see his kids very often and I'm ruining it for him. I agree to leave, but The DJ gets pissed. They start fighting, but as they are fighting The DJ turns into The Ex. So it's two Of The Exes fighting. I'm trying to stop them, but at this point suddenly I can't move from where I'm at. I start gripping the grass trying to pull myself towards them, but it's just not working. At this point I wake up. And in a completely terrible mood.

I just kind of let it go, chalk it up to another weird dream. But, I took The DJ to work, and as we pull up there are these strippers smoking outside. And he says bye, and no kiss. He always kisses me goodbye. But I can see in his eyes. He doesn't want them to know I'm his girlfriend, or he doesn't want them to know he has one. It killed me. And then the dream makes perfect sense. From wanting to hang out with me less, not wanting me to go inside the strip club, we don't kiss anymore, no sex for 2 weeks. Even the goddamn nu-metal he's been listening to. My dream shows my fears of this relationship turning into the miserable one I got out of. I'm afraid he's turning into The Ex. The anxiousness, the self esteem issues because of his new job. It's definitely not as bad, but I can't help but worry.

I hate that my last relationship has turned me into such a pessimistic, worrier. I used to be so carefree. And now I expect the worst all the time, because that's just the way it was for 6 years. The worst.