So this is going to be our issue. I've written about it before, and I'm sure I will continue to write about it. The boys nights are becoming more frequent. And so I think it is time to start backing off and staying home more. I need to get a job and be less available and see how things go. I'm done being the girlfriend who goes out of her way to take care of him, just for him to go out without me all the time. I know he isn't doing it on purpose, he's not trying to hurt me. But I am hurt. Eww, I'm such a clingy girlfriend, I'm super dependent. I need to stop. Maybe he might start missing me, and appreciating me again.

This is all sounding extremely selfish. He takes care of me in other ways. It's just me getting used to coming to this point in a relationship. It always happens. Comfort and routine have set in. And I just need to shake things up a bit.

On a positive note, one little thing he did say was extremely nice. We had an adventurous day. That involved buying pot and a pipe. I tried it again for the first time in 8 years. The first time I hated, and it still really isn't anything special. But as we were walking to my car, he starts saying that this will be a story to remember. My adventure trying pot with my then boyfriend. I kind of stop, saying 'Then boyfriend?' And he says, well who knows, I could be your husband. *le sigh*

The only reason I get so upset is because I love him so much. I love being with him more than anyone else. And sometimes I just hate that he doesn't feel the same. He isn't really doing anything wrong.