Drunken Postings I

I name this the first edition of my drunken ramblings.

I was going to write about The Good Guy tonight. I wanted to tell the whole story because it's still fresh on my mind. I have a terrible memory, and it might be nice to re-count things as I remember them. And not have all this haziness.

But it's still so painful. It makes me cry thinking about it.

I have to keep taking a minute to clear my eyes, so I can see what I'm typing. It's probably the alcohol. It's been two months since I fell in love with him. And it's been almost month since he fell out of love with me. I know. It was extremely quick. And I will talk about it, but I can't right now, because the bitterness is consuming. And I don't want to write negative things. I don't usually feel bitter about it. But, tonight I do.

Facebook has become such a source for my depression lately. I've tried to establish a friendship with The Good Guy, even though there is still a lot of hurt. Just because I can't imagine him not being a part of my life. So I'm basically taking what I can get. But, I am having a really hard time right now. I'm still trying to date, and it has been a huge source of stress and anxiety. Now I'm not the type of person to put specifics on facebook. But I put passing thoughts and generalities on there. And I get these constant sarcastic comments. Including some from The Good Guy. And it fucking kills me. I guess I shouldn't take anything personal, but when you put your emotions out there for your friends to see, people you care about. And all I get is these brush offs. I probably deserve it, I'm an extremely sarcastic person. But I can sense when someone might be struggling, or having a hard time. And I don't take that opportunity to make light of it. Maybe I need to take sometime away from it.

Anyway, I will write about The Good Guy, and my experiences with another guy from last night. But I'm cloudy and pissed right now. And I'm trying my best not to sound bitter.