Focus

I finally got the internet at home. Although my setup is extremely uncomfortable. I don't have a desk, so I'm sitting on the floor, keyboard on my lap. My hand gets extremely cramped because the mouse is on the floor. But I'm glad that when I feel like posting, I can.

This blog is about dating, and yet I sat down and thought about it tonight. I haven't been on a single date since before I even started this blog. I was asked out by the DJ, which I mentioned in a previous post. And I chickened out. I saw him again, and he was drunk as could be. Telling me the same bullshit he told me before. Maybe it isn't bullshit, but I'm so tired of hearing the same things. It becomes part of the game. I am continually told how guys have had crushes on me for ages. Be it from high school, or from the club. I hate the crush line. Because it puts these unfair expectations on me that I can never live up to. Once they realize I'm this imperfect human, suddenly the fantasy wears off.

So, I tell the DJ that he will get over his crush. He still says he wants to go out for dinner and drinks afterward the next night. So the next night, I get a call at 10:00 saying he just got payed and asks if I would like to go bar hopping.

Now, I have problems with this. I am not so old that I don't understand the dating game. I might not like it, and I am still learning. But I think I understand the basics. But, this little proposal for bar hopping makes me feel...just old. I guess I'm just old fashioned, but how do you get to know someone bar hopping? Even if he just mentioned going for drinks, it would seem better. This is a sign to me of just wanting to get drunk and party. And I'm all about that, but not on a first date. Plus it's 10, and I'm in pajamas. So I told him I was tired, and we will have to plan on another night.

He apologized today, and asked if I wanted to come to the bar he is DJ-ing at. And you know, I'm struggling to be interested at all. Add to the fact, that since The Good Guy, I have had extreme anxiety about opening up to anyone. I really need to write about him. And everything else.

So I told the DJ that I couldn't go out tonight. And we will plan another night. The only real reason I'm considering another night is so I can at least write about an actual date on my date blog.

Anyway, much much more to catch up on. I haven't mentioned anything about The Ex yet. And that has turned out to be a never-ending story. And there is more to talk about with The Good Guy. Oh man, so much craziness. I'm telling you, being single is LAME!