The Short Story

Some love stories aren't epic novels, some are short stories
But, that doesn't make them any less filled with love.

This story isn't short, but the relationship was.

I don't know if it would be better to be in a drunken haze while writing this. I'm sure you saw from my last post that I don't hold back as much. And I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing. I like the idea of being able to grasp these emotions. Some that I try to deny to myself, just to keep my sanity. I don't really tell a lot of people how I truly feel about The Good Guy, except maybe for the roomie. And I'm sure she is tired of hearing about it.

He's my short story...

I'm going to try to avoid every single detail. Because it becomes boring. We went to high school together. He was dating a friend of mine, she was on drill team with me. I was in relationship with The Ego. He married her. I remember him, but never really talked to him at all.

Years passed by, 11 to be exact. We talked a tiny bit on facebook and twitter. We exchanged numbers and have a conversation by text message. I find out he is going through a divorce. His wife cheated on him and I am going through a break-up myself with The Ex. After a while of talking he asks me out. I warn him that I'm much different than I was in high school. I'm a sailor-mouthed, opinionated, liberal atheist. And as I remember he is a conservative mormon. He says he knows how I am, and it doesn't bother him at all.

The dates were amazing and romantic. We had an immediate connection. I have never felt that strong of connection with anyone that quickly. And he tells me the same. It was just this immediate feeling of happiness. Straight out of a chick flick. All the cheesiness and butterflies, and I loved it. We constantly told each other how smitten we were. He told me I was perfect, and he had this strange need to take care of me. And he did. Be aware this is only after about 4 dates, in the span of a week or so. We were both scared, but in a good way. Like maybe for both of us the timing was perfect. And we were both seeking something that the other could provide. He wanted some excitement in his life after being married for 9 years. I was looking for some stability after spending most of my life in constant chaos.

One night he told me that there was nothing I could tell him that would scare him. And that he had a lot of plans for me. After him saying this many times, I dropped my guard and told him I was falling for him. And he said that he was in love with me. It felt so nice.

After that night, he mentioned planning for vacations. And he took me couch shopping to get an idea for my style. He asked me what kind of ring I wanted, and what kind of wedding I wanted. And talked to me about how we would have cute kids. I have never allowed myself to think I was going to get married, because honestly none of my exes wanted to marry me. Except The Ego asked me to marry him on his mission, only to come home and say that he wasn't mentally unstable when he asked. It was so wonderful to think someone wanted to make plans with me.

I keep writing, and I'm getting too detailed. And I'm sure it's boring.

I will just skip straight to it. He got scared...

He worried I was a rebound. And wanted to slow thing down. I was fine with that. But he got more and more distanced. I would invite him places, and he would say okay, just to bail that day. Finally I decided that I didn't want to seem like a desperate, crazy girl. And I was going to let him off the hook. I asked him to call me, because I didn't feel it was right to text something like that. And shortly after, he texted me saying that he didn't want to date me anymore. Because of school and his kids. And a bunch of bullshit that had nothing to do with the situation. Because I never kept him from any of those things. I was devastated. Even if he didn't mean anything he said, I did. I really did fall in love with him, as crazy as it seems. I did...

I told him we could still be friends, no hard feelings. My desperate attempt to keep people in my life. And we still occasionally exchange comments or chat on facebook. But seeing his picture on there kills me. I feel like I lost something incredible. And I feel like I will never have a connection like I had with him. Everyone encourages me, but he was so caring and sweet. And most guys aren't like that. Man, I lost out. And I know another girl will come along. And I hope she knows how lucky she is. Because I really knew how lucky I was to spend the short amount of time I had with him. I am bitter, but not enough to hate him. I am angry that I allowed myself to think I was going to get married. I actually looked at rings and dresses. I imagined my life with someone else. Me... I hate myself for that.

I hope he knows how much I cared about him, and I still do.