Revelation

A short one, something I just wanted to write quickly.

As I was speaking to The Ex yesterday. He had asked me if I had talked to The DJ at all. I told him that we spoke briefly on the phone. And we exchanged words on Facebook before I deleted it. But after that, nothing.

He seemed surprised by this. He said that usually within a day or two, I would be begging him to get back together with me. That was how it always when he and I were together.

And today, I suddenly thought, that's true. It is unlike myself to not even attempt to contact him. Especially since I miss him so much. And he seemed to at least want to keep a friendship. When I spoke to him on the phone, he said he wanted to go to lunch sometime. I think after I deleted my facebook, he probably took that as a sign of me not wanting to have anything to do with him.

And honestly, I don't right now. I think the healthiest thing is for us to keep things seperate until the hurt goes away. It has taken everything in me not to text or call. But I know it would just make me feel worse. I don't want to be that ex-girlfriend, the one that ends up at the same places just to 'conveniently' run into each other. And make him uncomfortable.

For the first time, I feel like I'm doing what's best for me in the long run, instead of what will momentarily make feel better. I'm kind of proud of myself. I didn't think I was being strong at all, but maybe there is a tiny bit of strength left in me after all.

Anyway, off for a weekend trip with some friends. It will be nice to get away and be distracted. I am keeping my journal with me, I know there are going to be plenty of reasons to write.