Trivialities

"Little things, used to mean so much to Shelly. I used to think they were kind of trivial. . . believe me, nothing is trivial." - The Crow

Some of you that actually know me will probably laugh at my choice of quotes. I was obsessed with that movie growing up. I still have the entire thing memorized to this day. I watched it again recently, after not seeing it for many years. It is extremely cheesy, and there is some bad acting. But I still actually cried watching it. The reason I loved it so much, was because of how much he loved her. He would go through anything to avenge her, because of that unquestionable love. Him remembering every special moment, every movement, every breath. When you lose something, it becomes very romanticised in your head. It becomes kind of a death. At least in my mind.

And so, everywhere I go, I catch myself getting upset over the tiny things that remind me of him. I was at the grocery store, and I kept getting choked up because of soy sauce. I would say to myself 'Oh, he loved putting soy sauce in everything.' 'Shit, he loved chicken wings.' 'Oh man, sandwiches were his favorite.'

The roomie wanted to go to a particular restaurant The DJ and I frequented. Right before he dumped me, we went there 4 days in a row. And I just couldn't. I feel retarded, but I know everyone shares something special with their significant other. Every couple has their 'thing'. Unfortunately, we had a lot of 'things'. And although they seem so trivial, and I feel stupid for dwelling on them. That's what I've always loved about relationships. Those little things you shared together. They mean everything to me.

Soon enough, I won't think about them as much. I won't think about him as much. But, right now I'm on the internet. And even that was our 'thing'. There is just no escape.