Drunken Postings III

I went to see my Mom and Dad today. I went to take pictures of my sister's kids as a surprise for her for her birthday. She has 3 beautiful children. Her and her husband got married very young. I think she was 19. Around 20 , I remember her saying that they were trying for kids. I wanted to kill her. I remember when she first told me when she was pregnant. I specifically remember saying 'You're joking, right?'

I look back and feel awful about that reaction. She was my little sis. I thought at the time it was just way too soon. I was so damn protective of her. She is my only sibling. Even though she spent a lot of her adolescence hating me. I adored her. I would do anything for her. My mom always would say how I was so protective of her when growing up. She was a spoiled little shit, but mainly because I would let her have her way, all the time. She hated losing, and so I would let her win. I would want the doll with the blue dress, but if she even mentioned wanting it, I would give it up just so she would be happy. I even remember watching soap operas with her and the babysitter, and we had a game where we would call which boys we would get. Of course, everyone called the hunky Justin, but my sister was insistent that he was hers, and I was stuck with eye-patch Steven. Oh, man I'm rambling. Where was I going with this?

Oh yes. My little sis, she has the life that I never thought I wanted. And for a while, I warmed up to it. The idea of having a little family.

But with The DJ, it was impossible. He didn't like the idea of marriage. He definitely didn't want kids. And because I loved him so much, I convinced myself that I didn't want it either. I still don't know what I want.

But tonight, hanging out with my parents. They have been together for 30 years! They got married at 17 and 18, my mom pregnant with me. I asked my Dad a long time ago if they got married because of me. And he said no. That they were already planning on getting married, I just sped up the process.

And these days, I see so many young people getting divorces, sometimes more than one. With kids. And I wonder, is it even possible to have what my parents, and even my grand-parents had? Is this generation just so distracted and selfish that the possibility of having that 30th anniversary, or even 50th? Does it have to do with religion, or is it generational?

I feel so old-fashioned in wanting that. I'm not the type of person to want to move on to new things constantly. I like stability, I like to know that I have the person I trust and love more than anyone by my side all the time. Is that too much to ask?

I worry for my sister, and I hope more than anything that she's happy. And I hope that her relationship lasts. As liberal as I am, I like the idea of marriage. I feel like it should give people a reason to fight for each other. I like the idea of coming out on the other end loving each other even more. Am I naive in thinking that exists?